15/01/2009 - Tatler Twaddle

There is some money to be made from hiring out classic cars for film and television shoots, but production buyers are increasingly ignoring action vehicle agencies and are turning instead to owners' clubs, where they hope to find people who will supply their cars free in return for spending a day on location.

Once there, the star struck owners are fed in the catering truck before standing by in a celebrity induced trance, while the artists and prop drivers abuse their cars. Furthermore, the technical crew members, who are usually under great pressure to set up each shot as quickly as possible, take short cuts such as standing on seats and paintwork with booted feet and attaching cameras and microphones with gaffa tape. All this makes saying yes a less than enticing prospect when we receive enquiries about using our cars for filming purposes.

Advertising photoshoots, on the other hand, are usually more leisurely affairs and the money at ad agencies disposal is the stuff of legend, so I was intrigued in June 2008 when we received a telephone call from a design agency saying they wanted to use one of our Jaguar saloons for a double page spread in prestigious society magazine, Tatler.

“We can't afford to pay you,” said the agency assistant (not a good start) “But Your car will be the central focus of a double page spread and the equivalent advert in Tatler would cost around eight grand.” (I'm sure it would).

“There will also be a female model in the shot and it will be in the grounds of Sledmere House near Driffield. That's also up in Yorkshire, not far from you.” (actually a 120 mile round trip, but carry on...).

“This particular issue of Tatler is an interiors special, so will gain more coverage than the average issue,” the assistant continued, “However I'm sure you are aware of the vast distribution and high profile of Tatler.” (well, I've seen it in the haidresser's).

“And Faye the stylist has a very high profile in the world of styling and has been styling for ten years, so she has amazing creative vision and would make your car look really special. I think she's matching an old print. It is quite unusual for Tatler to have a feature like this so it is quite a unique opportunity to be involved in.”

It all sounded rather exciting and we were also promised a lengthy credit for Summer Wine Classics. The car they really wanted was our silver Jaguar Mk II and the assistant agreed the picture would be good publicity for the wedding side of our business. I agreed in principle. When and for how long did they need the car? She would be back in touch.
It turned out they needed the car for three days which was taking the mickey but we finally settled on 24 hours and a modest figure was agreed (with great reluctance) for expenses. The deal went ahead and the car seemed unharmed when we picked it up, although it had obviously been driven further than they had said it would and its bonnet was not properly closed (why had it been opened at all?).

Time passed. My invoice for expenses was not paid and then, more than two months after the shoot, I Googled 'Tatler Sledmere Jaguar' and found this blog entry: "Oooooh... aaaargh... hangover from hell and an early start. Thankfully all is nearly soothed by porridge and orange juice. Another great shot today... me and a beautiful old E-type jaguar (sic) (resembling that of Inspector Morse). Faye, the hilarious and dry stylist, asks the prop guy if she can have a go driving and then lets it be known that she doesn't have a license (sic). She is quite good but has me in hysterics and the prop guy too, although his laugh sounded a bit more shrill and nervous. The car has been painted with a latex covering and then painted to match a print. Very clever. The paint peels off with the latex and the owner is none the wiser.” (I am now).

I tracked down Tatler October edition and found the car in the Interiors supplement. The assistant's waffly and largely uninformative efforts to explain the legendary Faye's plans for the car suddenly made a lot more sense (“I think she's matching an old print” indeed!!). Clearly she have known all along what was going to happen to the car but rather than tell me the truth, she chose instead to tell me what a great advertisement it would be for my company to have my car photographed at Sledmere House and for the pictures to appear in Tatler, leading me to believe it would be a traditional, even classical image that would show off the car. Not only was the vehicle almost unrecognisable, the credit was not as agreed and incorrect.

Why not just tell me the car would be painted to match a wacky coat made by a relative of the designer in a absurdly overpriced fabric, assure me no harm would come to my car (as indeed was the case) and pay for two days' hire hire of the vehicle plus delivery costs like any other customer? I would have said it sounds fun and interesting. As it was, the agency was deceitful about their plans, tried to obtain the car for absolutely nothing and played silly buggers in it driving around the grounds!

Obviously there is some value in the car's appearance in a prestigious magazine like Tatler (even a supplement) but I was disappointed to say the least by the way the company went about things - scrounging something for nothing under false pretences. My bill for expenses was paid during November.