As recently as the 1980s I could take Beattie (my beloved Bentley) for a long distance blast across the peaks with just the whine of the gears and the song of the blower for company. Miles melted away with little effort and in the event of coming across slower traffic or arriving at a township, applying the heavy boot would bring us back to a more common tempo in a jiffy, and dexterous use of the cogs would enable us to weave a pattern through the hesitant throng.

But alas, it is largely no longer possible to weave through the potterers and it is largely no longer safe to floor the loud pedal and whistle up to 100mph and beyond where a good car becomes alive and driving becomes a true test of concentration and skill. This is not because Beattie and I have been enfeebled by age, nor because I have taken on a more responsible attitude in my declining years. I have on many occasions seen at first hand the carnage caused by two tons of glass, metal and occupant careering off the highway at speed and do not take risks which may endanger others or their property.

The explosive increase in the number of vehicles on British roads in the last 20 years is clearly part of the problem and recent legislation has hindered rather than helped, but the ignorance and ineptitude endemic among the driving public is also a significant factor in preventing the more competent among us from getting a move on in safety.

There is already great deal of pointless pillar mumbling on the subject of abominable driving posted on the internet, and I have hitherto been reluctant to add my debatably sagacious voice to this impotent debate, but I no longer feel able to remain silent.

I am not not normally in favour of further increasing the burden of legislation under which the beleaguered British motorist is obliged to go about his ever more obstructed business on this island's depressingly constipated roads, but the situation we face is so desperate that firm legal action must be taken to improve driving standards in the UK or the nation will soon grind to an angry halt.

If we are to believe the constabulary is at last getting tough on the criminal underclass that drives around uninsured, untaxed, unlicensed in unsafe or stolen motor cars, I believe that the reduction of this menace, together with the implementation of my suggestions, will gain us all another decade before the road system seizes up completely. Furthermore, the measures I am about to propose will have a positive effect on road safety.

Road pricing is not the solution and neither are speed cameras; they are part of the problem. In a nutshell, Britain's drivers must be trained to drive more expertly and with greater consideration for others so they may take and pass a series of specially devised advanced driving examinations. As a reward for passing these strict and exacting new tests, insurance premiums would be reduced on a sliding scale, enabling successful students to recoup the cost of their training.

Conversely, those choosing not to continue their motoring education beyond the basic driving test, or who fail to heed instruction, would pay insurance charges commensurate with the risk and inconvenience they represent to other road users and their potential cost to the state. Draconian penalties for poor driving including the rescinding of licences, on the spot car confiscation and, in extreme cases, later destruction, should be put in place with all these punishments vigorously enforced by the police. Offenders would inevitably pay greatly increased insurance premiums when returning to the roads after disqualification.

It may surprise some of you that I have actually taken a driving test. The motoring boom of the 1930s saw a doubling of the number of vehicles on Britain's roads and then, as now, ineptitude was rife. At best, new drivers were given rudimentary instruction by the supplying dealer and left to get on with things. Accidents and fatalities were commonplace and Liberal MP Leslie Hore-Belisha was made Transport Minister by Ramsay MacDonald and told to sort the problem out.

An ex Army man, Hore-Belisha was a good organiser and not short of ideas. Famous, of course, for giving his name to the flashing beacons on stripey poles still decorating many crossings on British high streets, Belisha also introduced the Highway Code and in mid 1935, he brought in the driving test. Later in the decade he made himself unpopular with Tory Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain by badgering for increased military spending and insisting Adolf Hitler was not to be trusted. An astute fellow indeed.

More than a little peeved at having to take the new test as I was not quite 17 by the cut off date, I was duly obliged to present myself for scrutiny within a few weeks of its introduction. After meeting the examiner at the pre-arranged spot opposite the Red Lion in town (most convenient) we toodled around for half an hour or so in Algy Tomlinson's Morris 8 until it was decided I had passed. Having been driving various of pater and grandpa's racing cars on dirt tracks on the farm since I was 12, including a number of hairy pre-war chain driven fire breathers, quite frankly I would have been rather displeased if I had not done so. Good job he didn't see me knock young Bob the new postman off his bicycle as I emerged hurriedly from the farm gates on my way to the test (at least it stopped his damned whistling for a few minutes).

Incidentally, I took the test in Algy's Morris as my Alfa was temporarily sidelined with a con rod through its block (bored out to the nth degree, the old girl had let go while attempting a new record for a flying lap of the far fields) and mother was in Shrewsbury for the day in her baby Austin. It was thought turning up in pater's Silver Ghost might alienate the examiner somewhat and as grandpa had nothing suitable to spare either I gave Algy a tinkle and borrowed the little brown Morris for the day. A utilitarian boneshaker of no great urge, the 8 was an ideal car for the purpose.

Actually, Algy had taken his test in the same car the week before and had passed despite not being able to find it for a while when he emerged from the Red Lion at the allotted time and then discovering to his horror he had left the keys in the ignition and somehow locked the driver's door. Ingress was achieved through the boot and the rest of the test passed without incident until the examiner cracked his head on the windscreen during the emergency stop procedure. I should have told Algy I fettled the brakes for him last time he called round at the farm.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand. Hore-Belisha said: "Driving is an art in which those who are engaged should, in the interests of their own and the public's safety, take the greatest pains to make themselves proficient."

My point exactly. Cars are now easier to drive than ever but atrocious driving is more commonplace than at any time since the 1930s and the great number of vehicles now on the road means those who drive ineptly and inconsiderately almost inevitably inconvenience the rest of us.

Speed cameras are not helping the issue. 'Speed kills'. Really? 'Speed Cameras Save Lives' What total twaddle. Going slower is not necessarily safer. Timid and slow witted drivers crawling along clear roads infuriate more competent drivers stuck behind them who are often thwarted in their attempts to overtake them by unnecessarily low speed limits, so called street furniture scattered in the middle of the road and illogical stretches of double white lines.

The point here is that since the Government started to wage its campaign to make it as socially unacceptable to break speed limits as to drink and drive, partly in order to legitimise its money gathering activities via speed cameras, many nervous drivers have gladly made the new and spreading anti speeding culture an excuse to drive slowly everywhere and at all times. These drivers not only adhere to absurd speed limits, they drive slower still. This is because they are incompetent.

Often seen piloting Nissan Micras, these terrified drivers also seem completely unable to judge the dimensions of their vehicles. Imagining their tiny cars to be the size of pantechnicons, they brake if vehicles come towards them on the opposite carriageway, the road narrows slightly, or when passing parked cars. And, believing their vehicles to have the same ground clearance as Jackie Stewart's skirted Tyrrell Ford, they invariably stop completely at speed bumps before revving furiously while slipping the clutch to climb over them at 2mph.

Talk of vehicular metamorphosis reminds me of a tale told to me by a now distinguished motoring journalist concerning psilocybin fungi, perhaps better known as magic mushrooms. As a teenager in the hedonistic 1970s it seems he bunged a dozen or so of the little blighters in a potful of PG Tips which he imbibed just before setting off home from University at the end of Michaelmas term. All went well to start with but he was rather alarmed after an hour or so when his car turned into a flying saucer, and he coasted into a lay-by to consider his next move. "It was all rather disturbing," recounted the chap twenty years later, "But fortunately the controls were the same as my Fiat so I pulled myself together and was able to continue my journey."

Now I am not condoning immoderate driving in built up areas, nor am I suggesting it is acceptable to use open roads like race tracks. But appalling high speed accidents caused by reckless drivers, unlicensed drivers, joyriders, maniacs and fleeing criminals will continue unaffected by speed cameras, no matter how many are commissioned or where they are situated. And Herberts in small gimmicked up cars with absurd noisy exhausts and tinnitus inducing music systems will still thrash about in housing estates and town centres.

Flash photography and video surveillance should only be a small part of the government's road safety strategy. The emphasis should be on safe driving at appropriate speeds. Constantly scanning the verge for cameras and checking the speedometer every few seconds to make sure the car has not gained an extra mph or two is not good driving. Better to drive at an adjudged safe speed for the road, traffic and pedestrian circumstances and for the weather conditions while adhering, more or less, to sensible and reasonable speed limits.

In my opinion, apart from this and proper instruction in the actual operation of a motor vehicle, advanced driver training should also cover the following points:

Fog lights. Those who drive with their rear fog lights switched on in good weather conditions at night or in broad daylight are either careless or thoughtless. Motorists who put them on deliberately when it's raining are obviously total nincompoops.

It's really not difficult to understand how to use fog lamps appropriately. Rear fog lights are designed to make cars more visible when water vapour is suspended in clouds at or near terra firma. This phenomenon is known as fog and in these conditions ordinary tail lights are no longer intense enough to be seen clearly by following traffic.

Fog lamps switched or left on in clear conditions are dazzling to those behind, especially at night. Fog lights deployed in rain are more dazzling still and make it impossible for following drivers to see when cars ahead are braking. It's a damned dangerous practice. Young Peter Purves made a perfectly good public information film about it in the 1970s. Wasn't anybody watching?

While fog lights are often switched on erroneously, indicators sometimes barely get used at all, particularly in town. Quite apart from the bamboozlement and inconvenience it causes other road users, how on earth are pedestrians supposed to gauge when it's safe to cross the road if drivers do not signal their intentions?

Ground to air navigation systems. Much has been written recently about the possibility of heavy fines for people who concentrate too much on their TomToms and not enough on controlling their vehicles and watching the road ahead. I have heard about dimwits obeying their SatNavs and changing direction without looking outside the car and this is indeed a worry, but using these devices judiciously whilst on the move is surely just a matter of common sense and I cannot see the need for specific legislation.

There have always been distractions - tuning the damn wireless, winding windows up and down, reaching to extend the aerial mast, adjusting heater controls, filling one's pipe, reading maps etc etc. An intelligent driver will pick his or her moment to reprogramme his navigation aid (ie: when stopped or cruising on a straight and relatively hazard free road). Anyone doing otherwise deserves points and a fine. The worrying bit is we have to trust the police to tell the difference.

Mobile telephones are quite another matter. As a motorcyclist I see many examples of mobile phones affecting drivers' ability to control their vehicles every time I ride. Whenever I come up behind a car being driven erratically, hugging the kerb (unless it's a Nissan Micra) or driving too slowly (again, Micras excepted) or a see a driver failing to take advantage of opportunities afforded by gaps in traffic or struggling to make a simple manoeuvre at a junction, the blighter is almost always on the damned telephone. People seem to find it impossible to control their vehicles adequately while using the blasted things. As well as being awkward to hold they sap concentration. Apart from phoning ahead while stuck in all too frequent traffic jams I never use mine in the car.

A minor irritation I know but I really can't see the point of illegal number plates. Wrong script, wrong spacing, wrong size, wrong in the noggin. I am also baffled as to why the vain types who attach them to their vehicles seemingly remain immune from legal action when a successful prosecution by the police is surely assured. A 'no brainer' in fact, to use the current vernacular.

Having said that, I greatly admire the ingenuity of a veteran biker and no doubt inveterate speeder I occasionally come across in the Dales who has taken careful measures to protect himself from detection by speed cameras. This crusty middle aged outlaw has made the registration plate of his Yamaha sporting motorcycle illegible by clever application of brown paint to give the appearance of splashed mud, and has attached a Suzuki mud flap underneath it to further throw the authorities off the scent. Furthermore, he wears a plain black crash hat and a drab brown Parka over his leathers.

Lane discipline on roundabouts. The proper procedure for turning right at these rotary junctions is not to drive around the outside of them, trapping people on the inside. Nor is it acceptable to drive directly across them by travelling the shortest possible distance, ie: a straight line from inner entry kerb to centre circle to nearside exit kerb. It's all in the highway code!

Motorways are marvellous things but congestion and deplorable driving is ruining their effectiveness in the UK. That and the dashed speed cameras that have started to sprout on the verges and hang from the bridges. It's 50 years since the Preston Bypass, but as far as I am aware new drivers are still not being trained to use them properly and demonstrating motorway driving skills is still not part of the driving test. This should not be the case.

Our motorway system is woefully overcrowded but it is selfish and ignorant driving behaviour that is making it dangerous and causes many of the worst hold ups. Examples of irresponsible behaviour include:

Droning on mile after mile in the centre lane. Whether because they are unconscious, lack confidence in their ability to make passing manoeuvres (perhaps justifiably), are totally ignorant of the law or merely lazy, huge numbers of drivers remain in the middle lane on motorways when the inside track is vacant. This practice blocks the motorway and causes great consternation. It should be punishable by the immediate confiscation of offenders' vehicles.

Driving too close to the car in front, apparently popularly known as 'tailgating'. There are a two reasons for this phenomenon. Slow witted drivers, operating in a trance-like world of their own, are completely unaware of their actions. Bullies, on the other hand, who might also be slow witted but are at least concentrating on their driving to some degree, sit inches behind the rear bumpers of slower vehicles in the middle or overtaking lanes, sometimes flashing their lights, in an arrogant show of displeasure aimed at forcing the car ahead to give way so they can be first to an imaginary chequered flag.

But whatever the reason for it, 'tailgating' is dangerous in the extreme. It exposes all around to the danger of a massive accident and, in the event of such an occurrence, all those behind to interminable delays while the mess is cleared up. While I sympathise with those exasperated by middle lane nincompoops and have flashed many such twerps myself, there is simply no need to get so blasted close. Again, offenders' cars should be impounded and, in repeat instances, destroyed.

Lane swappers and undertakers. The law is simple. In Britain we overtake on the right, not the left. Drivers passing other vehicles on the inside risk being broadsided by the same returning to the inside or middle lane after overtaking (although sadly this is becoming an infrequent event). Besides, it's damned rude! When the motorway is so busy that all lanes are full and traffic is moving in a seething block at 50 mph or less the rules can be suspended, but not in other circumstances.

Irresponsible types who chop from lane to lane, overtaking whoever, wherever, however and whenever possible by exploiting the braking gaps left by sensible drivers, deserve not only to lose their cars and licences with immediate effect, but also to walk home. And some motorcyclists need to pay attention to this too before they are killed.

Lorry-style use of indicators. When the motorway is busy, we need to help each other out a little from time to time. It can sometimes be difficult to get out from behind snail-like heavy goods vehicles and Nissan Micras travelling at 50 mph on the inside lane, so all drivers need to understand how to use indicators to good effect. Unfortunately, many do not.

In normal circumstances, the deployment of a direction indicator by a driver on the inside lane of a motorway should mean: "I want to overtake. I have seen a gap and I am about to move into it." In the event of traffic bearing down from behind in the middle lane, and there being no realistic hope of a safe gap appearing in it in the foreseeable future, the flashing lamp says: "I need to change lanes and would like your kind assistance to do so." This should encourage someone to lift off or move over to the fast lane to create a big enough gap for the driver in the slow lane to execute the manoeuvre.

Lorry drivers, on the other hand, who worship the God 'momentum' and never lift off the accelerator unless there is absolutely no alternative, whack the turn signal on even when cars are alongside. This sends the following message: "Get out of the blasted way or I'll sideswipe yer (or at least I might. Are you going to take the risk?)."

Car drivers doing the same thing appear to be communicating the same message but are more often really saying: "I have just realised I need to change lanes and have put my indicator on without thinking. I have not planned ahead and require other people to think for me and inconvenience themselves in order to let me out."

On the subject of juggernaughts, we have all been inconvenienced by pairs of pantechnicons taking several minutes to pass each other. Parallel lorries. Damned infuriating. It's the momentum thing again.

Queueing logic. A little re-education is obviously in order here too. Although it's perfectly sensible to go to the head of queue at a motorway hold up caused by lane reduction and merge at the front, people just don't just don't seem to have the wit to see it. What is not acceptable, however, is switching lines at the last minute having run up the inside on an empty exit lane.

I am not expecting a return to the halcyon days when road conditions alone determined the speed I could travel. Golden days when, with a grin plastered from ear to ear, I regularly experienced the marvellous sensation of being in complete control of a mighty motor car being given the works for mile after mile. Sadly it is now rarely possible to make great haste in this tight little island, but, with a little help from the government, I might feel 250 bhp at work a little more frequently.

I realise assistance is unlikely to be forthcoming in order to facilitate the enjoyment of fast driving for its own sake, but it is to everyone's great misfortune the Transport Minister has already decided the solution to impending gridlock is to tax good and bad drivers alike through road pricing and that speed cameras are not only here to stay but will continue to proliferate. It is also shameful the Government is too spineless to admit privatisation of the railway system has been a total disaster and re-nationalise it post haste.